I was in the same boat as you once upon a time.
My behaviour sunk it and my bf scrambled to safety in a life boat.

Yeah, it backfired badly.


After that reality check I could no longer deny that I needed to get a handle on myself and my emotions.

I worked really hard at regulating them myself (and it doesn't make me less authentic, just more stable)...

I was blessed enough to get a second chance with my bf, and no our bonding, closeness or intimacy has not been hindered in anyway (he's currently working abroad) in fact, its brought us closer, because since I don't use him for my personal therapist anymore, there is more opportunity for him to open up to me about his stuff, and he feels safer knowing I wont drown him or myself by sweating the small stuff day in and day out.

There is now more balance within our relationship, which makes it 100% healthier than it was.