youOme, thanks so much for trusting us enough to share your story. That takes a lot of courage. I too was abandoned by my mother. She left when I was 3 or so. I am not really sure how old I was because I don't remember her ever being there. I always believed that she was coming back for me and that she loved me--I thought there was something major that was keeping her from me--as soon as she got it taken care of, she would be back. I think it was a drug addition that kept her form me. I am not really sure, she never told me. I know she was married to a heroin addict and that she took speed and used coke. I am lucky, she came back when I was a teen. She pulled her life together and eventually, gave me a stable home. It sounds like your situation was so much worse than mine. At least I did not have to watch my mother go through her addiction. I am so sorry you had to experience such a horrible thing. I am thinking of you...