Sorry if I don't make sense my head is sweralling with thoughts. I'm worried that if I don't go back on meds they'll eventually hospitalize me. I don't think DH will leave me right now. I don't think I'm that bad or that meds help that much if not just make things worse. I'm bored in general now. My husband seems stressed I wont leave the house because he thinks meds will take away my fear of driving. Like meds will fix all my fears. Yes I have bad days but I'm comfy here for the most part. I know my husband isn't happy with me but he's not on meds either. I don't feel I'm healthy on meds. Everyone is telling me to give pnurse a chance. I guess I owe it to them to give her a year. They want me around, there lives are fine without me though I stand in their way by not letting them drive as much. I'm not being heard because I'm unwell.

I'm not going to return the gifts he promises to be happy with what he got. It was buy two get one free so I got him 2 games and DH 1 game. They're already wrapped and at SIL house returning them I'd have to drive an hour and a half to get them and last time I drove that I cried all the way home. I just have to deal with the mistakes that I have made. I think he'll enjoy his Christmas because his grandfather will be there.