I felt better (despite election results) for the rest of the week but today I am so damn depressed. Like can't move off the couch depressed. I've literally been laying on the couch since I got up at 7:45, with short trips up to get food for myself and my son. I slept for about two hours while he played. Then we went to lunch but after we got home I laid on the couch again. I didn't ignore my son; I talked with him for about an hour about all sorts of stuff and let him show me things on his iPad so he wouldn't be alone, but I had to tell him I'm not feeling well because I couldn't get up and make paper turkeys with him like he wanted. I feel like utter **** about everything in my life today, especially my parenting and teaching skills.

For the past eight months I've had bad days but this is the first time I've felt so completely depressed. It's only been one day so I'm not worried yet but it's very tough to deal with.

Should I feel guilty that I kind of took a "time out" day from my life? It's not that bad if it's only once in a while right? I am forcing myself to at least sit up now and I did get up and vacuum the living room so I feel like less of a failure. And I moved the laundry around.

My sister and brother in law are supposed to come here around 8pm. I'm tempted to tell them not to come so I can just go to bed when my son does but it will probably be better to have some adult companionship, even if it's just for a couple of hours. My mom is trying to quit smoking again so I can't talk to her since she is on the verge of snapping and tearing my head off. So it would Be nice to talk to them. Hopefully I won't be a buzzkill.

I hope this is just one day. I'm getting tired of these days though. And this one has no trigger that I can tell. That's the worst. At least if I have a bad dream or see something upsetting there's a reason. I hate when it's out of the blue.