i don't even know anymore, cause some people i'ved told think it was my fault. my mom agreed with how my therapist reacted so. plus i used to bother my mom with reassuring questions too and she would snap at me cause it would get so annoying. so whatever, ik it's my fault either way, i guess i just wanted to believe it wasn't.

this happened over a year ago, i apoligized to my grandma. it's just that i'm not really close to her and i just didn't understand why she was so mad at me cause i wasn't trying to do anything to piss her off. i found out that she didn't even hear what i said. honestly i don't really like her or care for her, i was trying to be as nice as i could. it just seems like i'm the person who always needs to say sorry for their wrong doings but other people usually don't or don't have to.

i just feel like this happens to me a lot, and i'm just sick of it. cause my grandma has acted this way before with me but i just didn't respond. but of course, the first time i say something, i get seen as disrespectful and i'm the person that has to apoligize. ik i sound like a ***** cause i don't want to be he bigger person, but i'm sick of it.

honestly i still don't understand why i was told to say sorry to her cause i didn't do anything really. idk, this whole thing is confusing. this event actually increased a lot of my self esteem and depression. cause i think a lot about how exactly i was being disrespectful or rude. also when i was younger there were a few times where i was upset and came off rude or mean, but there were people who told me that i was acting mean and i got told "that was really rude" or "what's your issue?" and i would be aware of it and try to change my actions. but in that particular situation, i still don't understand why i was seen as rude for saying what i said, i guess that's a huge reason why it's difficult for me to get over this.