Yes, but in my case it's because of a combination of these things --

- A huge sense of relief.

- A visceral sense that she now holds all my 'crap' and I can just leave it behind by leaving her behind.

- A feeling of somehow wanting her to 'suffer' the way I do -- mostly when I'm angry that she's 'whole' and I'm not because I am showing up every time to 'expose' myself to her while she remains 'untouched' by my crap and I just feel really raw.

- Wanting to test / see if she'll pursue me if I leave abruptly -- so, being equally excited and terrified by the possibility of her pursuit.

I'm beyond grateful then that my current T appears to be capable of seeing through most (if not all) of the ways I tend to act out these things.