Tisha, I find this thread making me change my mind about posting.
Our holidays are a bit like this. We overcome all to be with H's mom during the holidays. I actually like his mom in many ways. I think the main reason H's family is so dysfunctional is that H's father was abusive to all of them. Her son's adore her. Everyone kisses her *ss! This includes grandchildren (except for my children--which makes me a bit of an outsider). (My mother-in-law's favorite grandaughter has privately admitted to my daughter and me that she just fakes it to get along--{unfortunately/fortunately?} I have raised children that hate faking their feelings toward anyone.) Her daughter (my dear sister-in-law) still suffers from the trauma of her upbringing in a way that makes Thanksgiving much worse for her than it is for me. If my sister-in-law has any kind of emotional outburst, I have seen many family members gang up on her! They really know how to kick someone when they are down. I saw this dynamic in full force during my 2nd wedding (1st wedding was a secret). I do have to give H credit for being the brother who treats her more kindly than the others. I feel like her physical ailments and irritability are the result of the emotional trauma within her. I hang out with her a lot during holidays (she lives in another state).

I used to drink to much at Thanksgiving during the worst of my nervous breakdown period (2011-2014). Sometimes, I would see certain people raise their eyebrows and look my way. H would never fail to mention some of the comments made when we argued later. Basically, they all thought I was out of my mind. I probably was. Since my attempt, I only drink when I am truly happy and in a low anxiety, nonjudgemental environment--so I now rarely drink! The last time I had a glass of wine was when I traveled ALONE to visit my sister in Oregon last summer.

The Thanksgiving before my attempt I did not see my children. Two Thanksgivings before my attempt went like this: They had recently ran away from home due to a huge fight between H and them. I dutifully attended the Thanksgiving bash with H then brought a newly cooked (their favorite dish) over to them at 10:00 PM on Thanksgiving Day. They were new to the Thanksgiving thing and they are kids so we actually didn't sit down to eat until midnight. It was unique and emotionally overwhelming for me. A much less guarded event than the one I had attended earlier that day.

As for seeing my family during the holidays, H refuses. Huge conflicts--it could be the stuff of many more postings. I am hopeful that this Thanksgiving will be better.