Yeah, totally - and in a weird way. For the first day, I was totally numb. I didn't sleep at all Tuesday night. I was stuck in my mind in a similar way I was when I tried Ritalin. For the next few days, and still even a bit now (though I admit, SNL tonight helped ease my mind a lot), I was sent into an agitated depression. But... the depression was something unlike anything I have ever experienced in the 18 years I've lived with this disease.

For once, it wasn't my brain turning on me, it was as if my heart literally broke within my chest. Think Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars. That scene when they are on their way to Alderaan, but the empire blows it up. Obi-Wan suddenly stops, aghast, filled with intense sorrow which forces him to sit down and says, "I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced."

But, for me, it's not Trump himself that caused it. It's the people - politicians - he has associated himself with that he is more than likely, unless he does a complete 180, to place into positions of power: the ultra-hardcore Christian right. Politicians who are so super-capitalist that they'd tell a quadriplegic to "stop being lazy and get a job" I they want health insurance and that raising the minimum wage would run businesses into the ground, thus continuing the cycle of people working solely to physically survive, as opposed to being able to actually enjoy their lives (a privilege reserved solely for the wealthy, it would seem - in their eyes); who feel that, because the LGBT+ community makes them uncomfortable, they have the right dehumanize them and the authority to strip them of basic human rights; who adhere so strictly to the Bible (oddly enough the Old Testament) that they feel women are to be submissive to men, have no place in the world but the home and view them as second-class citizens; who insist that radical Islamic extremism is such a threat to American freedom (which it's not... like at all. I mean, it exists, and is a very real threat to freedom in western Asia, but not to our liberties here in the USA) that they feel they can, once again, dehumanize Muslims and profile them all the while attempting to instill a Christian theocracy within the United States (essentially turning us into a Christian version of Muslim theocracies in the Middle east); who will fight tooth and nail to do away with abortion rights and any clinic which provides any form of women's healthcare to low-income women which receives government funds; who will pass "religious freedom" laws which enable Christians (and really no other religion), even within the federal government, to actively discriminate against any person who is not part of or "goes against" their religion (be they LGBTQ+, Muslim, Jewish, atheist, a person of color, or any other type of person the Christian right views as "inferior").

What also scares me are the Trump cult followers. These non-politician ultra-rightwing people who, for the last eight years, have been amassing stockpiles of automatic weapons of war with the delusional intention of overthrowing the Obama administration and literally executing him; who for the last eight years have done nothing but hurl racial slurs and physical threats Obama's way - and who now insist they are the civil ones, who view the mass demonstrators as "crybabies" and tell them to "get over it." (Sure, the physical destruction of property is a bit excessive, but the demonstrations themselves are a natural reaction for people who truly feel threatened.) These people (in the cult) lack even the most basic human intelligence and speak only the language of hatred and violence. And they are heavily armed!

And let's not forget those who say, "not all Trump supporters are racist/misogynistic, etc.," but who, by supporting a man whose entire campaign was fueled by such unjustified hatred, have passively showed their support of everything those who actually are racist/misogynistic, etc. stand for.

All of this, in combination with the rumors (yes, I know they are but rumors right now, but even if they are jokes, they are not funny) of who he would appoint to head various government agencies is stressing me out: a young earth creationist as the head of the Department of Education!? A climate change denier as the head of the EPA!? W.T.F!?

I have calmed down a bit in the last day or two (again, Saturday's SNL episode helped), but at the same time, I can't help but be scared shtless for what the future holds. Sure, Trump himself is somewhat of an "idiot savant" of sorts (he's dumber than dirt in general, and any person with half a functioning brain can easily see through his BS, but he can masterfully manipulate people. Let's also not ignore the fact that he seems to be flip-flopping on his issues due to what appears to be severely low self-esteem), but it's likely he really won't be doing a whole lot other than being the official face of the administration. This administration seems to be setting up for a Bush-esque administration where the VP is the true puppet master. And Mike Pence scares the crap out of me!

This is really long-winded, but I guess, in short: as a bi-racial, polysexual atheist with a mental illness, I do fear what the future holds for me and people like me (including all of you). Though I highly doubt they'd succeed, it wouldn't surprise me if this administration at least toyed with the thought of getting rid of all forms of government assistance - or at the very least gutting the system to bare bones simply because that's the kind of people they are. They care for nobody but themselves and their immediate colleagues of like mind and wealth. Of course Trump has said he has no intentions of doing anything like this, but we must remember that these hardcore republicans are now in control of the House, the Senate and the White House. Their authoritarian power will be virtually unchecked, especially given that - unless Obama pulls something out of his butt in the next two months - they will be appointing Supreme Court Justices who will side with them, possibly to the point of totally ignoring, redefining or overturning existing laws in order to bring about their rather super-villainous agenda.

I mean, don't get me wrong... Clinton would have been far from the best... but things wouldn't be setting up to be as bad - at least with regards to human/civil rights, which is the main flashpoint of the anti-Trump movement; with Clinton, it would likely have been more of an economic problem.

It's one of those, hope for the best, prepare for the worst situations for me, I guess.