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Triggering post

do not read if triggered







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Therapy.. is different these days... my head hurts...

Alters are sharing memories.. via the therapist and from alter to alter.. so that alters can experience the feelings and know.. what is going on within "the system".

I have a "mute" alter... who was abused by "Apron Lady" as we call her. The mute alter and another alter are side by side... one an adult.. and one a child..

My therapist asked.. to talk to them.. they were threatening to hurt "the body"... and the therapist said " that is unacceptable".. another alter threatening to "SI".. due to the pain that she was feeling from the other two...

This "sharing" of pain is new... how does one describe it... to not know "the pain".. and then to have it "dumped" on you in one swell swoop.. it's odd.. and strange.. and the first reaction.. is to say "no".. "no" "That is not me".. but it is...

So.. today... alters learned.. that they share a body.. shocking.. very shocking .. to find that out..so knew... but some did not.. The therapist explained it...

my "little" mute alter... slapping "my" hand... hard.. very hard.. turning it red several times.. yet "I" felt no pain.. how could that be.. watching the hand.. hit the other hand.. yet nothing.. she mimiced..what happened to her... she having no voice to tell.. she made another gesture.. and we knew.. knew.. what that was... a wooden spoon... used to hurt.. to hurt us.. in an area that should never be hurt... an area.. that only us.. should touch....

how... does this happen... the sharing me memories... I want to scream at my therapist... that this is my body.. this is my mind.. and no.. no.. I do not want "that"... in my life..

That he has no right.. to make us share.. that I want my life back... that I want to be 21... not 34.. all of a sudden in a weeks time.... when does it stop...I want to go back to the age I was a week ago.. 21.. and young.. with no pain...

Is not fair....