
(((((( elevatedsoul ))))))
Sorry you are having a tough time.
We are all different in how we respond to some things. I usually become increasingly confused, and often experience more despair, if/when I focus upon my dissociative issues outside of therapy. Just my own experience.
While people participating in forums are well-intended and put forth amazing efforts, we often cannot find adequate support on forums and can get further lost in our focus on dissociation.
I hope you have shifted your focus to: "grounding" and are starting to feel more Present.

WC