I realised today I sort of resent having needs.. They annoy the heck out of me. I feel like they hinder whatever it is I want to be doing.. When I feel hungry, tired, like I need to go to the bathroom, any need, really - I don't act on it. I may sit for ages with my stomach growling for food and not do anything about it, just feel annoyed and hope it'll go away on its own. Most of the time, I'm so tired I feel I'm about to fall down from exhaustion, but I just won't go to bed and sleep.

I think this probably has to do with my dad not being there for me when I was growing up, and me probably thinking it was because I wasn't worth it.. Now that I think about it, whenever a need comes up, I think, 'Someone else should have done this for me! Someone else should have cared! They should have shown me what to do.' And of course, that's true Someone should show us we're worth taking care of, worth making the effort for. Someone should teach us how to take care of ourselves.

But the thing is, I didn't have this. I can't go back, be a kid again and have what I never had. So, I just want to let this go now. I want to start taking care of myself now! I AM worth it. My dad didn't ignore me because I was bad - everything he did he did for his own reasons, whatever those were - I don't really even care. I just want to get better now Love myself