Nearly 4 months ago, in response to panic attacks during the most stressful time of my life, I chose to take my (new) doctor's advice and pursue treatment with antidepressants. The past 4 months have been absolute hell. I have tried Wellbutrin/Xanax, Lexapro/Ativan and Paxil/Ativan, and have suffered a long, long list of intolerable side effects that have made the initial problem a million times worse. I don't feel like myself at all.

In retrospect, the stress I was experiencing was all completely valid, rather "normal" causes for anxiety (big cross country move with small kids, new home, new town, no support network, major career shift, all putting stress on my marriage etc.), and I wonder if I should have simply pursued therapy instead of jumping straight to prescription drugs. I can't help but think I would be further down the path to wellness had I avoided pharmaceuticals all together.

Presently, I'm on a low dose of 10mg Paxil with 0.5mg of Ativan as needed. I take the Paxil daily at bedtime, and avoid the Ativan as A) I don't want to become dependent and B) I don't believe in masking symptoms. I'm still in the ramping-up period with Paxil and internally, I'm struggling to justify the rewiring of my brain chemistry. I want to heal. I don't know that I'm able to healthfully settle into my new life like this. Honestly I'm considering marijuana to calm my nerves and I haven't used it in 20 years.

Any similar experiences to share?