Back ground: a few weeks ago PTSD stuff triggered me into a mixed episode. It was VERY bad for three days then I somehow snapped in a functional hypomania and obsessively studied for my exam. The day before my exam the trauma stuff hit me hard and I fell again into a dark mixed episode. For the next 6 days I was so unwell I plotted and planned my death. Then again, last Tuesday, I switched to euphoric mania. I just kept getting higher and higher and loved it.

So, late yesterday afternoon, after having an amazing day, the lights went out and I fell into a horrible mixed state. SI returned fast and heavy. I was given 10mg of Olanzapine but it did nothing so around midnight I was given 20mg more and I calmed down and slept for 6 solid hours. This morning I was a bit hungover from the meds but now, 10am, I feel awesome again. Invincible, powerful, god-like and joyful.

This switching is dizzying and dangerous. I want to stay manic forever but last night I recognised that for all my plans and activity I am not that functional while manic. Maybe I can find a way to stabilise at mild hypo-mania. Will talk to my pdoc today hopefully and see what he thinks. Just want to be well and get on with my life.