Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
thanks, im not sure whats happening but...
im going through a lot...
i dont know...
what i meant by disintegrating... is i just feel like im dissolving...
my reality is falling apart, i am nothing and my life seems to have no purpose
who am i? no one... what am i doing here? dieing... what am i going to do? i dunno...
sigh, its getting worse, worse worse, im afraid that im going to become a vegetable...
incapable of anything... as i try harder, i feel separation...
i feel the difference between me trying, and the difference between me dieing...
but its over, i feel like there is nothing i can do now;
i have pdoc on 17th... therapy 22nd...
im hoping things will be ok until then... but i have a feeling its not going to matter, get better, get worse, get better, get worse, farther apart, where am i? who am i? what am i doing? getting better.. no im getting worse... no... yes... stop, please just stop, i want to be normal, i want to be happy, i want a life, i want to have a life, i want my life, my past, my present, my future, i want to exist... i dont want to die...
im afraid i cant handle this and im afraid my treatment providers cant either... im afraid i dont have the support i need... afraid that things are yet to get even more worse... and afraid i cant handle much more worsening...
sabe? não quero... só quero ser feliz... healthy... alive... não sozinho...  |
in me what you posted above is not part of dissociation nor was it part of my having any dissociative disorders.
in me it was \ is called depression and bipolar disorder with psychotic symptoms.
the reason why it was called that in me is because in my location alters do not die nor desolve into nothingness. everything they are becomes joined together to form one whole person again. another reason why it was not called part of my dissociation disorder problems is because the creation of alters is not a painful process like you see on tv and other fictionalized sources, if it was a painful process children would not be using their dissociation skills to get away from the trauma's that they were going through. here in my location dissociating is more a calmness, numbing, spaciness.
if you look up what depression is you will find things like hopelessness, helplessness, feelings of unable to cope, feelings of being unable do get motivated, do things. bipolar disorder is a type of depression where the feelings are extreme. if I remember right bipolar disorder is one of the things your recent past posts said you were diagnosed with.
Im glad you have appointments with your treatment providers set up. they will be able to help get your problems stabilized.