it's my birthday today. my 18th birthday. i had it all planned out...but it all came crashing down on my head. My first thought was to cut, i wanted to. i felt like i needed to, but i didn't. a friend of mine (who until now i did not realize how much I could count on him) kept me from it. He kept me from doing it without ever actually uttering the words "don't do it" or "that would be so stupid" or anything to the effect of either.

I wanted to do it. I am still thinking about it constantly, almost 3 hours later. why do things always seem to go wrong, all at once and at the very worst possible time?