Kayleigh:

I went through that cycle for years. My belief at the time was that I must be strong and conquer my emotions. I was also afraid of becoming dependent on any medication. Those ideas were
given to me by my family.

Anyway, that theory didn't work. You have no idea how many years I stoically continued to try it, even after it obviously was not going to meet my needs. It's amazing how stubborn I was at trying to prove something. The thing is, blind stubbornness had served me well in other areas (or so I thought). On reviewing my life, I'm not so sure that it worked in other areas either. LOL

These days I'm not held hostage by my emotions. I can listen to anything and not react with tears. For me, it's very important to remain clearheaded in difficult situations. I'm glad I finally heeded what all those doctors had been saying, that I need to be on antidepressants permanently. Zowie! It works.

Oh...here's a little story to illustrate my point. Several years ago, when exiting a gas station, I inadvertently drove across a flat gravel divider that I simply couldn't see! Too bad. The police car was right there to tell me what I shouldn't have done. To me, the divider was absolutely invisible --- and I made some disparaging commentary about the lighting conditions. I was so upset by getting a ticket for something I didn't consider to be my fault --- that I burst into tears.

Not that it would be any defense, but soon after that incident I saw my ophthalmologist and discovered that I had cataracts, was about legally blind in one eye from that condition, with the other eye almost as bad, and then knew that my own failing vision was to blame for the ticket. That incident impressed me. It was very embarrassing to be unable to control my emotions! Shortly thereafter I asked my doc for an antidepressant.

Nothing's wrong with you, Kayleigh. Sounds like you might have a condition that many of us have --- depression. And it seems you might need help. The weepiness is, I know from personal experience, quite inconvenient.

For short-term help, do you have access to a family doctor who might be willing to prescribe medication? I have an internist as my primary doctor. He prescribes my antidepressants. If you feel you also need psychotherapy, you can ask your primary doctor to refer you to someone. Or, you can try to find free or sliding scale therapy.

Join the club, Kayleigh!

Adieu