Hi BBRain!

I am so sorry for your loss!

One thing to remember is that all behaviour is communication. I do not believe that she is acting controlling to make your life worse. There is something going on in her life that she doesn't quite know how to communicate safely. It could be the loss of your mother, it could be the loss of your house, it could be both, it could be something completely different or combined with the first two issues. Try asking her questions about her life. You might have to deal with the abuse for a bit, but if you can help her figure out what it is that is getting to her, or what she can do to have more positive control in her life, then things will get better. How old is she? If you have the money, you could try to consult with a behavioural consultant. They are great detectives!
I lived with a brother who controlled my mother and I for many years. It's not fun. I can attest to that. But if you can get stuff figured out, the sun will shine!
I wish you well!