There you have it; your T is like your father to you. The smaller the "hoard" of care we have, the more we think that's all there is out there and are afraid it will disappear. That's an illusion; there's an infinite amount out there and all we have to do is learn to "access" it. You were never taken to the store to get fresh, new eggs so you cling to a rotten one (rotten over time and failure of anyone to show you how to nourish yourself with it when it was good and then go get more).