i say things metaphorically alot...

albeit my metaphors are lacking alot...

i have major depressive disorder...

but maybe i do have bipolar...

maybe i do also have psychosis...

maybe it doesnt matter anymore too... so much what it is why?
it just sucks... so bad...

i was dx with bipolar in the beginning... 2012...
but they changed it... i got it changed in 2016 january... psychological assessment... 3 hour interview...
they say my ptsd causes alot of problems... that i have deep psychological wounds... and that my issues would resolve if i could heal them...

i see my therapist 2 x a month i think... i force myself to go because i dont want to... i dont want to do any of it anymore...

i didn't really mean i felt like i was dissolving... or vanishing...
but i feel like my mind is not functioning... i cant think clearly...
i cant feel clearly... nothing is clear... i cant see clearly... nothing is certain...
confusion is certain... memory impairment prominent...
depression head strong.... till its not ... then it is... then im not here...
but that doesnt make sense either... so i try to use a metaphor...
but my mind is not clear... i am so stupid...

the pain, the entrapment
the main, attraction
stains the contraption
the brains malfunction

im so depressed.... im so trapped... i just want out...
why cant i just get out... i want to run away

why do i have to keep living like this... i dont want to....