i don't know what to do. i am trying to limit my time online talking about this. i am trying to limit how much i can write about this at home. i even dreamt that T gave me a limit of a certain number of words!

i really don't know what to do.

i am so caught up in my feelings and thoughts surrounding therapy that i can't focus and i need to focus. This isn't about taking time for me to heal,etc.. this is about being able to keep functioning. i can't give up my whole life, plus i really don't think it's healthy to spend that much time dwelling on everything.

this week is a bit special.. %#@&#! hit the fan and splattered over my whole life.. so i need T more. and we have had a few intense sessions so i am freaked out and fearful

i just have to manage better somehow. Any suggestions?

i am thinking of going down to once per week vs. twice. As much as i prefer twice and it does ease my anxiety about losing him, i find it's keeping me looped in thinking about this. It cranked up the intensity... i don't think i need to have it cranked up all the time.

there's more... but as i said, i left a meter running on my time. i can't come back until i get some things accomplished. i am going to try a reward system.. get xnumber of things done and i can have 1 hour.