I said this a few times on here and I can't stress it enough.

"How dare I even consider killing myself when other people have it so much worse."

It doesn't matter what anyone else has gone through. You cannot and should not compare two different individual's suffering. It does nothing. Personally, no one ever asks me why I'm suicidal because if they know that I am, they know that I have PTSD and several other illnesses. No one ever seems to ask someone with PTSD why they'd be suicidal because this sentence in itself can partially be the answer. So, I sort of have mine to an extent (it's not the only reason but hell if I know any of the others). In your situation, you don't have any answers. I feel like for me personally, that'd be worse. I need answers to everything and it would drive me into a straight jacket if I didn't have at least a partial answer.
You're able to handle something that would drive me up the wall. Sure, I'm sitting here with PTSD and a bunch of other **** and it's hard, but I have enough answers to keep my mind from losing it entirely. My life isn't harder than yours and it's not easier; because they cannot and should not be compared with each other in search of "who has it worse".
How you feel, is how you feel. There aren't always answers and no one should expect you to just be fine because your life by conventional standards is. That's not how our brains work, unfortunately.
I watched this movie "A Long Way Down", and in this movie there's this character who has a similar struggle. He doesn't know why he feels this way, he just does and it makes his situation that much more dire. I recommend it to anyone who isn't easily triggered, though I wouldn't say it's that full of triggers but the subject matter is about suicide; it's on Netflix, if you have it.
Remember, you can PM me any time. If anything just to vent, I don't mind reading and keeping quite. I'm here whenever you need me.