Hi everyone! I'm new here!

I'll be 39 in 11 days and I just started college this fall. It's been 20 years since I've been to school! I have bypolar1 with psychosis.

I'm taking a course that will certify me to be and education assistant or a support worker for people with diverse abilities. It's been super rough. I am part time and only go to school on Wednesdays. Every Wednesday is a total tear fest. We have guest speakers from all walks of life, from people who have lived in institutions, to mothers of children with FASD. There's a lot of self help stuff too which I can't stand because I don't like to be reminded of how broken I am when I've been trying so hard to find myself again. I know my teacher isn't aiming at me, but I just get so mad when she makes us watch those videos.

We had to watch a video last week and comment on it in our online class site. One girl said that we should just try to surround ourselves with people who uplift us only. I had a total spazz! What about people who just need to know someone is there for us? We can't all be all Pollyanna all the time. Anyhoo, I knew I shouldn't have, but I posted a negative post about what she had said, calling her out as an ableist. I have no negative feelings toward her what so ever, but man did she piss me off! It's my own problem, I know, believe me!

I'm now left feeling ashamed that a woman my age could act so inappropriately, and now I have to forgive myself, which is really hard for me to do. I'm so nervous about going to school on Wednesday! I'm scared that I'm going to walk into class with my head held high, and everybody is going to think I'm a psychopath! It's my bed, and I'm for sure laying in it!

I think what I need is some motivational support and well wishes from anyone who can remotely understand or empathize!

Cheers and sorry for the long post