hi passionfruit sorry to hear your going through a rough time, i have had irrational thoughts from time to time, the good news is we never go through them. they are just thoughts. good that you recogize that this isn't you.

as for your friend, yes she has someone new in her life, but it doesn't mean she can't still have you for a friend....give her some time. in the meantime find things that you can do to make yourself happier. sometimes the only real friend we have is in ourselves.

take care