She's "telling" you, in an absurdly nonexplicit way, that your complaints can't "change" her, she is who she is, and that how you respond to her is "up to you".

My personal experience is that my T's didn't understand how difficult it was for me to understand this kind of interaction. I didn't have any other way to deal with things. I didn't have any other responses in my "toolkit" of things that it was "up to me" to use, and they didn't provide, or know how to help me develop them.

My last therapy ended in a rupture without repair. Nevertheless, for what it's worth, that's what I think may be going on.