I get it. I'm dealing with the same thing. I finally found the love I had always wanted last February. It was the whirlwind fairy tale love at first sight type of romance only found in movies. And then she dropped me in September but still wanted to be best buddies. I spiraled out of control, tried so hard to be there for her while also trying to heal my broken heart. I had to quit her completely in March because I was suicidal and knew being around her was making it worse. Between Sept and March, I watched for signs in everything she did and every word she said to me to see if maybe we had a chance. I asked her several times if there might be a possibility for us in the future. She gave me lots of maybes. Those maybes destroyed me, especially when she started dating again.

Get away from her. Leaving was the best possible thing I could have done, and also probably the single most difficult thing I have done in my life. But the constant struggle and questioning and imagining what might be or could have been... dude, it will ruin you if you let it. She will never get out of your head if she's still in front of you. Cut all ties. Burn the bridges. Run away as fast and as far as you can. Do it to save yourself.