I talked with my T a bit about this today, about her realising that she may have made a mistake working with me, about my stuff being too much for her etc. She listened to my stories of the Ts I saw when I was searching and really understood how they must have had an effect on my trust of this process.

She said, quite clearly, that she hadn't made a mistake, T that she knows why she is doing this and believes in it, is quite clear in herself about where she is coming from and has a supervisor who supports her in this.

Very early on we discussed the amount of outside contact we would have and I put forth several situations that may or may not arise over time. I asked what would happen if I emailed every day or text every day etc and she said that this would be too much. It hurt me at the time because I heard that 'I' would be too much but it sunk in and actually I realised that this was more about my T being hibet with me about what she could take. If what I did was too much then it wasn't my fault as such, rather that she was not 'up to the job'. This was a great revelation.

I guess the upshot if it is that the hard discussions are the Ines that are needed, to keep everything in the open. For me, when things are left unsaid, the doubt and negativity creeps in and will sit festering, building, affecting me and then ultimately my relationship with T. If I talk about it with her we can actually see where the other is coming from.

I am very lucky that T always says she will be honest with me, even if she thinks that what she has to say will be hard for me to hear. For now, I believe her.