I would be a hypocrite to tell you not to, or give some kind of advice when I am in the same place pretty much. I hope that things can change for you so you won't have to think or feel like this anymore, it is a horrible way to live.

You are a good person from what I have seen here and have helped me a lot over the past few weeks. I am here if you want to talk, I may not be good at giving advice but I am a good listener.