I feel like I'm drowning in everyday life anymore. There's nothing excessively stressful or crazy going on, but I just can't keep up. Nothing seems to be working, and it feels like no one is seeing or hearing me.

I mentioned in the daily check-in thread about my T and pdoc not hearing me about my depression. I have a history of premenstrual depression, it's been going on for ages. I tracked it for years to make sure I wasn't just seeing things as worse in my head. There is a pattern, it's so easy to see anymore. But I haven't met with my current T or pdoc during the week when my depression is worse each month. So they haven't seen it. I've talked about it though, and I feel like they've been ignoring or brushing it off as typical PMS. I tried to talk to T about it yesterday because I felt it starting, but she just said something vague about women getting emotional when it's time for their period, and we moved on. I didn't even register how she brushed me off until hours later.

I've been trying for the last couple of months also to lose weight, and I just feel hopeless there now. I lost 5lbs right away, and then nothing. The other day I weighed myself again and was down another 4lbs, but they were back again the next morning. I just feel like it's completely useless to try now, I haven't seen any progress. Getting up to work out in the morning isn't even helping my mood. It just feels like a chore that has no purpose. Everyone keeps saying that I should focus on being healthy and being happy with who I am now, but that's not enough for me. I've been fat my whole life and I'm sick of it. But when I really want it and really try, I get nowhere.

All I want to do today is sit and cry. Everything feels painful and I just don't know where to go or who to talk to. I don't know if I can get in to see T again before our next appointment in 2 weeks. I feel like I'm alone and I don't want to be. I don't like to post new threads here often because I don't like to feel like a burden, but I need something. Someone. I need help.