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Originally Posted by Takeshi
Well, you live in Arkansas, I don't know where in Arkansas, but the Little Rock just celebrated the annual Central Arkansas Asian Festival, the turnout seemed alright from their facebook page, and they had food!
I think the best thing you can do before your depression gets worse is to ask your mom and the immigration office about your issues, it's their job to help you with the transition.
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I live in Northwest Arkansas (Eureka Springs). I heard it's a tourist place. I've never explored here (not that I don't want to). I've just actually been to immigration office last week because were still processing our papers. It's a 4 hour drive from our town. My mom doesn't recognize what I'm going through. She's always pushing me to do this and that. When I tell her I can't and explain why, she doesn't listen. I forgot to mention that I have a dysfunctional relationship with my mom so I can't expect any sort of help from her at this point. I appreciate the links you attached though. Thanks for your help!
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Originally Posted by Só leigheas
When it comes to the food; let's be honest our food here is heavy and pretty fattening. I can even get disgusted by it and I've been born and raised here. I've never even been outside of the country. Where I live, we have a lot of Asian-Americans and I can tell you, their food is so much better and leaves me feeling refreshed as compared to my own.
Those people not greeting you, that could easily have to do with you being a teenager. I'm not saying it couldn't be for another reason, but I know from my own experience (I'm white) I wasn't often acknowledged as a person. Kind of sucked, but I got used to it and actually enjoyed it. I could disappear without anyone caring.
Everywhere in this country is different. Where I live, it really isn't common to see neighbors greet each other; that sort of thing would freak me out if I saw it. Passing a stranger around here, you don't acknowledge them. If you do, a slight nod is all that's exchanged.
I don't know what it's like to be an immigrant into another country. However, if you want to learn about cultural things, expressions and customs etc., I'd be more than happy to help. Feeling isolated can drastically damage you more and more into depression, so don't be afraid to find comfort and community here.
Oh, and your writing is very good.
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I was worrying about the food because my parents like going to dinner with friends and always tag me along. They make me eat those foods because 'you'll get used to it'. But i don't. They just pretty much eat mashed potatoes, tomatoes, and salads. I didn't really eat these kinds of food before. I'm not really actually a teenager. Lol. I'm 20, but I look younger than 20. I've been told by my parents' friends that I look like 15 or 16. So I was wondering if that's the reason I'm being ignored, or maybe I'm being discriminated because I'm not american. I have a lot of feelings of fear about doing something wrong. Thank you for being kind to me and helpful
I would really like to learn more about expressions and the culture.
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Originally Posted by Skeezyks
The problem is... the longer you keep to yourself... staying in the house all of the time, the more difficult it is going to become for you to get out into society & live a normal life.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks
As far as how to find someone like this, that would probably depend, to some extent, on your age. I take it you're living with your parents. Perhaps they could help you to find someone who would be interested in getting to know you.
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I'm 20, but parents' friends think I'm 15 or 16. So I really look young for my age. I even got some sort of discount from a buffet restaurant. They didnt ask for ID but i believe its something to do with my age because my stepdad was asked how old I was and he answered 15. Lol.
And yes I live with my parents who are busy at work. They are both narcissist, especially my mom, who's emotionally abusing me everyday. They make me feel bad for existing. They don't want me being stucked inside the house but doesn't really do anything to help me start doing something. They just talk about how I'm unproductive I am, making me feel I'm useless and there's no hope for me. They say I'm addicted to internet. Which I'm not, I just don't have anything else to do. They accuse me of being on facebook 24/7. I don't even have facebook as I don't want to reconnect with the people in my past. Also when I go to internet I just read a lot about self improvements or watch asian movies, (which I know it doesn't help with my english learning. i just find asian stories more entertaining. because when I watch TV, I observed american shows are mostly about serial killers, criminal investigations. i didn't find this helpful with my anxiety. i actually often thought that if i go out some creeper will follow me or something). My parents never consider how I feel about this.
Last month we went to visit my stepdad's brother in another state. They live near a big city so there's pretty much many places to go hang out unlike the place I live. Anyway, I spent my time with his wife when I was there. I helped her do some groceries and went to some park to walk with her three lovely dogs. She does that every weekend for her exercise. She also took me to hobby lobby and go shopping. I really enjoyed that time. She's a high school teacher and she convinces me to go to high school (because the education I took in my former country isn't credited here in the US, we didnt have english courses. So I have to get a high school diploma or GED if I want to go to college here). I never told her anything but it seems like she knew there's something about me. Before we left she told me that she's really worried about me and I could go to their place if I want to. Unfortunately their state is a 6hours drive away from our state. And when we went back home my parents were talking **** about her. They said she's only nice at first, she spends a lot of money, etc. They're basically backstabbing her. I personally didn't feel like she's not genuine with me. But then again I'm still dealing with anxiety and I can't really tell who to trust in this world, what if the person who's being nice to me is not really actually nice and is just a psychopath or something.
I know staying inside and not doing anything wont help me. I get that but sometimes I just need a little bit of understanding, you know? Instead of making me feel bad and guilty for my mistakes. I used to beat myself up over this but since I don't have anyone but just myself. I realized that the only thing I can do is to understood myself. It's pathetic really. But it's not like I don't have a reason. I have a reason for everything I'm doing and not doing. At this point to make myself feel better I'd like to call it that I'm just having a pause from my responsibilities. Its like I'm just taking a break from a long run but I will continue. Its not like I want to stay forever like this you know. I had dreams and goals before anxiety and depression took over. After all, I wasnt really like this before. I even consider myself with a high self esteem in some ways. I'm very confident with my physical appearance to start with, and I never compare myself to others when it comes to looks. But I'm really scared of doing something wrong, doing stupid things, making mistakes. I used to criticize people a lot with their actions so I'm scared of being criticized myself.
Anyways, thank you for your understanding and help
It really means a lot and made me feel better.