I often experience something and need to know if others do also - i'm trying to word this carefully so that ppl know i'm safe and not talking about suicide or anything, but that this is something i deal with a lot and don't know... i'm not explaining this well.
ok - so i have about 12-ish parts within; 8 (give or take) are working on living and trying to get by), 3 at times encourage me to get rid of myself, and one does si on the body.
Last night the one who does si did her part. then after that
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.ok i'm just going to say this - i am safe and not wanting to do anything wrong... hoping this doesn't trigger, ... i am just sort of scared and need to know what to do and don't have a good, solid relationship with new t yet to ask...
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So i was digging through the fridge last night after the si and one of those 3 parts told me to just curl up inside the fridge on the bottom there and let the door close. which of course, one cannot open a fridge from the inside and ppl expire. and i saw the image very clearly and felt the body moving toward the urge, and jummped up real quick and ran from the kitchen. i knew i couldn't go back in there because right then i wasn't "safe" to be alone with myself. i was going to call a crisis line but couldn't. so i called a friend and asked them to be on the phone with me until i ate dinner and left the house.

ok- so my question is, do others here have parts that want to harm them? or try to get them to do away with them selves? if so, how do you deal with that? i don't know how serious to take these urges. so far, in 30 years, i'ver not had a single suicide attempt - even though the brain has acted out enough times already to last a whole lifetime. But the urges are so strong sometimes; pull out in front of traffic, fall off the balcony, etc..... i don't always feel safe in my own mind and that is freaky.

=( the system.