ty Perna, BB, Fuzzy, Kebsfroggy...

my wording is kinda vague for a reason... i'm very thankful you each came now to care... usually i am strong enough or at least able to sweep up most of the mess i leave behind me, but this time i'm not certain...

a full explanation is my life story... i don't think i can deliver it coherently...

what if you believed something terrible was going to happen to yourself and a great number of those you cared about deeply? what if you had done all you could to prepare yourself and them, even though they didn't see the urgency you did, in what time you thought you had available? and then you found out your sense of timing might be wrong and you couldn't get ready in time?

i am talking about an event which seriously alters quality of life for many?

i have only recently become a total believer in God. and God is not going to rescue me or them...