I am safe. I'm doing everything right, trying to stay away from alcohol (except for special occasions and the occasional glass here and there.) I am attending therapy. But this bone weary exhaustion is maddening.

I know my partner knows I get like this but when I see her face because I'm too exhausted to have sex some nights or go out and do fun things in the mornings because I'm bone weary tired, it's hard. The look on her face or our kids when I'm this tired or irritated is heartbreaking.

Like it makes me feel not good enough. I wish my partner didn't have a partner who struggles with mental illness and highs and lows. She deserves better but she obviously loves me because she's still here.

I work a physical and emotionally tolling job in Healthcare and days in the fall/winter are hard... ugh.

I wonder if my dr would give me an antidepressant just for the winter? You think he would try it?

Back in October I just got out of the hospital for high hypomania (mania?) So I almost don't want to ask because he'd say no anyway.