((HUGS)) It will get better. Make sure your pdoc and T know about how you are feeling. It sounds like depression talking, and there are probably things they can do to help you cope with or lessen the depression.

In the meantime, I would be exercising like crazy to try to increase my endorphins. I know it's hard to get yourself to the gym or outside when depressed, but maybe you can find a friend to work out with. Exercise improves my mood so much. It would boost your confidence, too.

We're rooting for you! It's never too late to change your life. See your pdoc or T ASAP if you need support.