My T usually asks if she's sitting a comfortable distance from me. I say "I don't know." So she moves her chair closer or farther. She won't accept "I don't know". Yesterday I wanted her closer, probably closer than I told her. It wasn't scary having her close; it was nice.

I didn't want to do EMDR. I wanted us to watch a video of a school presentation that I just went out-of-town to see. I was excited about it, and my visit with family. T wanted to know if my mother were alive, would I still feel the need to show and tell T everything? Interesting question because my mother would have loved to hear and see everything about her family. I wanted to share the video with my T because I feel close to her like she's family. Maybe instead of my mother. I also shared it with friends. T and I watched about 15 minutes of it. I'm pondering why it's so important to share so much about my family with T. It seems natural to me. Does that seem weird?

I'm thinking about T's ability to rattle off an anatomy word calmly while I was embarrassed and didn't want to say. We were talking about my medical problems. It's not a word anyone would use much except a doctor. I wonder how T got to be so comfortable with saying the words while I'm not. I think I'll ask her next session.

T said she didn't and doesn't want to forbid email. It has to come from me. She wants me to be there for me, but that doesn't mean I can't email, and she WILL respond.