Hi,
First let me state that I am not a doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist. So, please keep this in mind regarding my comments below.

Second, I have had three seizures in my lifetime. As an fyi, I wasn't diagnosed as having seizures yet the doctors gave me anti-seizure drugs. This was a long time ago. They so doped me up, I ended up flushing them down the toilet. So, I don't have any symptoms like you but, I can sort of relate to you and your condition.

Third, I had a near death experience (NDE) nearly 13 years ago that changed me. Not the actual NDE, but my meditations, dreams and lucid dreams that followed.

Fourth, I felt compelled about a year and a half ago to put up what I've learnt on the internet so that it might help others. So, if you go to Learning From My Dreams | Dream Interpretation ? Learning. There you'll find the 10 things I've learnt from my dreams, a dream discussion paper, a story I created to explain the multiverse we live in, sample dream interpretations, a rich resource section and also a page devoted to different meditation techniques.

Fifth, my heart goes out to you when I read "Even my subconscious knows I suck" because all my experiences have taught me otherwise. From me to you...you don't suck and even more importantly, underneath, deep down inside you is a wonderful entity. How do I know this?

I learnt to listen to myself. About 10 years ago, I was determined to learn to meditate. So I joined meditation classes, spiritual circles etc. Some of my experiences are covered in the dream discussion paper. However, there is one experienceI want to tell you about.

I was in a mediation circle. At the end of it, I "felt" a presence. It showed itself to me as a premature young boy. I "knew" it was for the woman sitting beside me. At the time, I only knew she was a schoolteacher and had 2 late teen kids. So I turned to her and asked if I could give her a message. She said yes.

I asked her if she had miscarried a baby boy? She said yes. Then the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced occurred...

The baby boy turned into a man and sent pure unconditional love to me. It was something words can't describe. It went to the very heart of who I am. It only lasted a fraction of a second but it has lasted with me ever since. I broke down and began to cry. The lady began to cry. I then told her, her son was telling me that he was always with her. She then replied a medium had brought him through before but she was so glad to know it once again.

He was a teacher for me. He showed me what all of us are at our soul level.

It wasn't long afterwards, one day while I was trying to interpret my dreams that the idea came to me to use my higher self, which I could now access through meditation to assist me in interpreting my dreams. This was when my dream gates swung wide open.

So you sitting there reading this might be thinking "Well that's good for you Guy, but you don't know what I'm living through." Well I don't BUT I've assisted hundreds of others to learn to listen to themselves.

I can tell you that this path is not all sweetness and goodness since one must learnt to face oneself. HOWEVER, IT IS EXTREMELY REWARDING.

So, if you want my assistance after reading this and looking at my website, then here's what I want you to do...

I want to to take the two dreams/seizure experiences you mentioned below and then I want you to do the following for them...

What I've learnt from my own dreams is that there is nothing in a dream by chance. Therefore, if you answer the following questions, to the best of your recall ability, I will happily give you an interpretation of your dream as if it was mine.

First tell me the number of scenes in your dream. THEN FOR EACH SCENE I want you to tell me the following:

Location:
I want you to look in your mind, as the observer, in the following directions and tell me what you see:
1. To your left.
2. To your right.
3. In front of you.
4. Behind you.
5. Above you.
6. Below you.

It’s all right if you can’t recall much. Simply tell me what you see and make sure I know what direction it is from you the dreamer. In my interpretation, you’ll see how this is a symbol itself.

When you are describing what you see, tell me in as much detail as you can recall about it. So things I am very interested in is what are walls, doors, windows, stairs, tables, etc. made of, age/style, colour, etc. The same goes for anything outside. You’ll see in my interpretations how all of this tells us lots about ourselves.

Lighting:
1. Tell me what the lighting was like, i.e. bright, dull, black, cloudy etc.
2. Then tell me where the light was coming from.
3. Can you tell the time of day or season?
Lighting is important in a dream because it’s a symbol of vibrational state. I’ll explain this during my interpretation for you.

Objects:
If there are any objects in a dream scene, then tell me about them as follows:
1. Shape, size, colour and what they were made of.
2. Where the object is in the dream relative to you, i.e. left, right, etc.

I’ve found objects in dreams are usually symbols of things we first need to concentrate on spiritually. I’ll explain this in the interpretation if you had any objects in any of the scenes.

People:
For each person in a dream scene I want you to do the following:
1. Describe them to me in as much detail as you can recall. This includes age, gender, clothes, colour of the clothes, what the clothes were made of.
2. Tell me where they were in the dream scene relative to you, i.e. left, right, below, etc.
3. Tell me if they were lying down, sitting, standing, walking, etc.
4. Tell me what they did with you. Don’t skip the details. Simply tell me exactly what happened.
5. If there are any conversations or thoughts between you and the person or others, then tell me EXACTLY WHAT WAS SAID. This is important.
6. If there were others you couldn’t see but felt, then let me know where you felt they were in a scene relative to you the dreamer, i.e. left, right, etc.
7. For people who you know in real life, tell me anything that's different about them in the dream versus the real life version.

Animals. Etc.:
If there were any animals, insects, birds, reptiles, fish or whatever in any of the scenes, then tell me. Describe them in as great as detail as you can recall. Also let me know where they were in the dream scene relative to you, i.e. left, right, etc. Then let me know of any thoughts that passed between you and them.

Thoughts/Feelings:
This is a very important part of every dream scene. Take your time, go back and tell me the following for each scene:
1. What was your first thought/feeling as the dream scene began.
2. Tell me of any thoughts/feeling changes as the dream scene progressed and let me know where in the scene this occurred.
3. Tell me your last thought/feeling as the dream ended.

I realize this is a lot of work. HOWEVER, I think you might be surprised by how much you can learn about yourself from a single scene.

Please tell me EVERYTHING YOU CAN RECALL ABOUT THE SEIZURE EXPERIENCES. DON'T LEAVE SOMETHING OUT BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'S NOT IMPORTANT OR MIGHT EMBARRASS YOU.

As well, if you have a recurring dream, then I want you to put in the effort and write this down in the format above.

Now, I can tell you based on my own experiences that when all seems ****** and the world seems against you, it's the time when one can learn the most about oneself and then see the sunshine.

During the 1900's a man named Maurice Barbanell channeled an entity who called himself Silver Birch, a native American Indian. He wrote numerous books through Maurice. The reason I tell you this is a saying that popped into my mind while reading your post.

"Life is always a polarity. If there were no darkness there would be no light. If there were no trouble there could never be any peace. If the sun always shone you would not appreciate it. You have to learn sometimes through conditions that seem a nuisance. One day you will look back and say, "We learned our best lessons not when the sun was shining, but when the storm was at its greatest, when the thunder roared, the lightning flashed, the clouds obscured the sun and all seemed dark and hopeless". It is only when the soul is in adversity that some of its greatest possibilities can be realised."

With kind regards,
Guy