@yagr, I have friends who were in the armed forces and have killed 'in the line of duty.' Two out of three have never been comfortable with it, and certainly being named hero's made them massively uncomfortable. The third seemed entirely untouched by the event, indeed made several tours. He seems able to compatmentalise successfully. His comments, if he was a civilian he'd be a serial killer.
None of this is really relevant I suppose. I was just remarking on the diffrent perspectives. I wish you and your Mrs all the best, may you have a long and happy future together.

@sophiesmom, Those were the things which I have really debated with myself at length abou. Because I didn't mention the risk factors to myself doesn't mean I am unaware, or I haven't thoroughly considered all the possibilities. It was a specific issue I was considering when I wrote this.

@Elsamars, Thankyou very much for your comments, they seemed considered and specific to my concerns, it was very helpful.

@ValentinaVVV, I don't feel I am in a position to cast judgment on him as I am a long way from perfect myself, which brings me to @Crazy Hitch if a leopard doesn't change its spots, then I feel most of us here are doomed to forever repeat ourselves, and leaves the whole concept of therapy and treatment open to debate. Also I am no angel and am in no position to consider myself morally superior. I have made a couple of decisions that if I could just turn back time and undo what I did. I would giv anything to do so.

Thankyou very much for your time people.