The couple times that I have gone to counseling I notice that I put myself down, on purpose. When I tell about things that have happened or things about myself I do it in such a way that I think the other person will see how much of a loser I am, because I believe that about myself. Does anyone else do that? I feel like no matter what I say the counselor is going to think I'm a bad person, I'm not allowed to say what I really feel, especially about my mom/childhood. If I do, I'm bad, wicked, a nasty person. Does anyone else ever feel that?
I feel so embarrassed after, afraid that I will be told it's all no big deal, just suck it up, smile. I think it's because I have never had a safe/supportive confidant, and those were the messages I got growing up.

Sorry I'm not good at expressing myself, so I hope this made some sense.

Going to force myself to stick with counseling this time despite these feelings.

Sidenote: I don't understand the 'triggering' icon policy so if this has something in it triggering I am very sorry!