Thanks for the support everyone, I really need it as I feel so alone i my hospital room. Apart from my parents no one has visited me in 13 days. My 'friends' just don't care or don't get it. Today I want to die, the pain is unbearable...but I will resist the urge and take the large doses of Clonazepam and Xyprexa they are giving me. I can stop welling up with tears. This needs to stop, the mental state I am in, as it is too powerful for me to fight for long.

Odd thing is, I don't really feel depressed. Ohh, I am so fed up trying ti figure our where i am on the BP spectrum. I am basically in the middle of the ****ed Zone. Who cares anyway as long as my dr can treat me. His plan is to hit me hard with meds for a few days and hopefully shut down the angry, vengeful, grandiose, delusional, crazy wild-eyed part of me. We hope I will then be back to 'normal' and can heal from there. Right now I don't care but I do hope progress can be made. My doctor has hope for me, my T has hope for me - I hold none.