Thanks for the support everybody.

I went and saw the French T. I'm not quite sure what to make of it, honestly. On the one hand, I think I like him... he seemed much more human and normal to me than most of the previous Ts I've seen, friendly, not too hard to talk to, and even admitted his own nervousness at meeting new clients (as I hid behind a pillow).

He's got experience with DBT, is very not pushy, and seems smart! When I asked if he knew about cognitive functions (the theory behind the Meyers-Briggs personality system) he said YES (and I was floored!). He knows about neuroscience too! So, super cool. Definitely someone that I think could be interesting and helpful in figuring out my life and my brain.

The one big red flag... he talked about DBT, and I told him that I know that it's used for BPD, and that people with BPD are usually seen as difficult and challenging to treat. And, does that he mean he's comfortable with difficult, challenging clients (since I've got a really rocky past, and last T was very upfront with me that I'm "challenging" "make [him] work hard".

He said that he actually has no experience with BPD (he uses DBT for other things) and that, honestly, borderline personality disorder scares him! I don't remember how we segued, but he said that (again, being honest) that he's not good with any attachment stuff.

We talked a bit to try to figure out what that means and whether we're a good fit for each other. But frankly, I'm a bit scared that this is a huge red flag for me... I tend to test as disorganized attachment (I believe that's what it was, the really messed up one!) and have trouble trusting people, and therapists, to be there for me. I did tell him that I tend to interpret things very negatively, and that's been hard for my previous Ts to deal with... but he seemed OK with that. I'm not sure - but I think he might have meant that he has trouble with clients that over-attach, and wants lots of extra contact?

Ugh. I don't know what to do here. Most of the other therapists that I've looked at online make me feel *blah* - completely turned off, and uninterested in talking to them. This is one of the first ones that I've felt like I might get along with as a person (maybe, I'm admittedly not 100%).

Any advice? Am I setting myself up for yet another T-failure and all the ensuing misery? I think I'm going to give him a few more sessions to see how we work together...

(Oh second red flag was that he's really new to being a T - I don't know exactly how much T-experience he has, but I'm thinking only 3-5 years. I've had so many bad experiences, I tend to think I need someone with more experience - but maybe there's a good side to a new-ish T? I feel like he might listen more and be less certain of his impressions, more willing to check things out with me and not jump to conclusions?)

Thanks!!!