It's tough!

We can ignore weight gain and deconditioning or we can face it and do our best to get to work on improving ourselves.

Depression, as we all know, can suck the life energy right out of us and we can feel overwhelmed and powerless.

I am currently working on walking, after 3 years using a wheelchair or crutches due to severe medical conditions.
I am devoted to keeping my regular walking schedule, even when I truly feel like staying home. (I was told I would never walk any distance again.) I am now walking 2 miles a day. I am also in PT twice a week. It's all been very painful, yet I was in severe pain anyway -- so why not endure the pain of becoming more fit?

I have been walking a lot at a mall and can see my reflection in every window front. This motivates me. I have work to do and this activity can only make things better.

I am looking forward to starting an upper body strengthening program this winter (soon).

This work helps me to take my diet more seriously. I endure some serious pain in PT and in walking. I also devote time -- every day. I don't want to sabotage my efforts by poor eating habits.

Will this cure all of my issues? No. No. No.

Yet, it is one area of my life where I can do better. Doing so helps to keep me more motivated, overall.

I can get overwhelmed and not see any sense in trying if I focus on every area/issue where I feel a deficit.

I try to keep my focus on each moment of each day.

How am I choosing to spend my time in each moment? Self-improvement or self deprecation and further self-sabotage?

Am I keeping my commitments to myself today?
Am I doing my best today?

Will I do my best tomorrow? I hope so, yet do not yet know for sure. I will try to stay on the path of simply doing my best moment-by-moment.

Admittedly, it's all a lot of work!
Yet, what else do I have to do? I can try to improve my own life or I can ignore my needs and continue to rapidly deteriorate -- on all levels.

What length would I go to help a friend in need?
I need to show at least that same level of commitment to my own welfare.

Do I feel overwhelmed, even suicidal, underneath it all? Yes. Yes. Yes.
I am choosing to do my best despite those feelings. I am doing the opposite.
I really feel meds have helped, too, by the way. My PT/trainer is also adding some encouragement. Honestly, I still feel overwhelmed and, most often, hopeless. (I am hoping this investment in lifestyle change will have both short-term and longer-term gains.)

There are some areas in life where we seem to have less overall control.
There are some areas of our lives where we can exert more control and can have a positive impact upon that facet of our lives.

It's tough, indeed, grueling in fact, when feeling truly overwhelmed -- I also feel disheartened, hopeless, overwhelmed. I hope to keep doing it despite the physical pain and the strong feelings to the contrary..



WC

P.S. It's a difficult row to hoe, no doubt.
I am sorry you don't currently have a special relationship, a girlfriend.
I am married. My many conditions -- both physical and psychological -- create significant challenges to my life. My husband is supportive and helpful. Yet, it's work! We have to be as intentional about our relationship, each day, as I am about exercising. He feels more hope when I am taking actions which give us some hope. I was disabled before I was married. He was attracted to my positive attitude and humor, etc. I believe we draw people into our lives according to our "vibration" of a sense of hope, etc. I also believe we can make it difficult for people to get close to us if/when we are feeling constantly hopeless and acting accordingly. My marriage would totally die out if I did not, somehow, engender a sense of hope despite the challenges. I do not always feel like saying something optimistic or even following through on exercise, etc. Yet, it's a commitment to myself and to my marriage, in that it also gives my husband some hope. We must be there for ourselves before we can be there for another. I hope you do find true love soon in your life. This may sound like a trite pep talk. Please let me assure you it's not. it's all a lot of dedication to "doing the opposite" with depressed, hopeless feelings. It's a lot of work.