Thanks, everyone. I do think I liked him. It feels different than it has with other therapists, but I'm not 100% sure that it's going to get me through, if that makes sense?

I will probably give him a few more sessions. You're all right, I should at least do that. But, gosh, I'm nervous that he's going to end up not knowing what I'm doing and leaving me with more pain.

But, that said, he was really much more respectful of the trauma stuff, I think, then other therapists and did a good job of not pushing on it. He did give me paperwork at the end that included the list of crappy things that have happened to you, and I *exclaimed* "Oh no! Not that sheet! Why does every therapist have that sheet" and he sat down and told me that I didn't need to do most of it, because we covered a lot in the session, and to just do what I was comfortable with.

That all feels nice.

I think I'm feeling pangs of sadness about the last T. Even though it wasn't working out, it wasn't ALL bad, and I really, truly appreciate that he tried very hard to create a safe environment for me. I feel like I had a part in messing that up though, and that I may mess up this T as well (this comes from having Ts kick me out, and one T who broke down crying because she felt she wasn't able to help).

ilikecats - Thanks. That's a good point, about him being new. I *bet* the thing that scares him is the acting out part (the "I hate you!") but I don't do that.

AllHeart - Thanks. Those are good points, I'm not really sure *what* I need, since I haven't had anything that really has worked well for me in therapy so far. I'll have to give that some thought. Ugh, I don't know... it's all so hard, you know?

Any tips on how to make sure that he understands the disorganized attachment? I'm not sure that *I* understand it. I could bring him some articles to read, but I guess my worry is that understanding something academically is much different than being able to actually work with it.

SoConfused623 - I know, right! He felt much more like a real human than a lot of Ts that I've seen, and willing to use his experiences to explain things, though he seems to be aware of how that can go wrong, and told me he shares, but is careful to not make the session about him.

I'm so nervous. Therapy has just felt so *brutal* to me, and I don't know what I need. I want my life to be better. I think he might be able to help in a very academic, thinky way (which I'm OK with). I don't know that he'll be great for actually getting into feelings - which I might need at some point, but am not good at, and really not able to do until I have a good, solid connection.

I don't know. I wish there were more really *amazing* Ts out there. It's so hard though. The noise-to-signal ratio appears to be huge. At least he's smart, he likes learning new things, and he's actually giving me a break on his fees (I thought his fee was a little less than it is, because it's published on an old website of his...so he offered to go ahead and give me that fee, which is nice and will help a lot!)

Phew... thanks! He emailed me a receipt, but nothing about next sessions... but I'll give him a few days, in case he's trying to figure out next week (he said a lot of people were changing times b/c of the holiday).

Thanks!