I'm so sorry for the pain and grief that you are experiencing.



My guess is that what you are "holding him back" from is his drinking. Until he acknowledges that he has a problem, and decides to address it, there is little that others can do to help.

I do not know if he will come back or not. Do you have trusted people with whom you can feel safe in sharing your feelings? I am glad that you posted here, and i hope and expect that you will get some helpful and supportive responses.