This is very hard for me to discuss and I'm almost at wits end trying to figure things out with my relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years and my overbearing mother. Let me try to break this down the best way I can. Any advice would be much needed as we are on the verge of breaking up.

First let me start out by saying that I am 30 years of age and an only child. Coming into this relationship I let my girlfriend know that I was close with my family. They live about 15 minutes from me and before I met her I was probably stopping by 2 times during the week and maybe once on the weekend. My mom and I were very close, to a fault...she was a completely overbearing mother and had boundary issues. As an example, she doesn't work and would log on to my dad's Facebook to creep on my friends and figure out whats going on in their lives and then call me to talk regarding them.

Things were going well, there was talk of my mom being sort of rude to my girlfriend but she just kind of shrugged it off and dealt with my mother, until I'd say July of this year...my birthday. My girlfriend threw me a surprise party and it was a complete and utter disaster to their relationship. My girlfriend made it a friends only party. This upset my mom and she ended up inviting my aunt, this caused friction because my girlfriend then had to talk to my cousin and tell her that it was for people of our age and not for any of the family such as uncles or aunts. No only that but my mom decided to also talk about my girlfriend regarding this at a friend's of the family party which ended up getting back to her.

Fast forward to the week after my birthday. Relationships are completely strained. My girlfriend is hurt...understandably so, I decide it is best to stop communications with my mom. I don't talk to her for 2 weeks before my dad forces me to come over there. I absolutely explode on my mom privately and all she can say is how disrespectful i was. Well then I decide to try to have a family dinner/intervention pretty much. I try to bring my girlfriend, mom, day and I together to get an apology from my mom. She does end up apologizing but I could tell it was half assed and honestly she was disrespectful during this apology and blamed it on other family members.

I keep my distance from my mom, answering her calls when she calls but not calling her. Well this goes on, I reached out to my mom and demand an actual apology and ask her to call my girlfriend. She ends up calling her but says "at the end of the day you and I don't have to like each other, if my son is happy with you then that is all that matters". This apology ends up not helping at all and makes my girlfriend want to distance me further from her.

Basically the stipulation that my girlfriend and I agreed upon was that if I had communication with my mom that in order to make her feel comfortable that I tell her exactly what we talked about....I reluctantly agree even though I feel like it is controlling and completely overwhelming. I comply with this but I find myself resenting this stipulation and start to police my conversations with my mother to a point where I do end up not telling my girlfriend when we talk on some occasions for fear that she starts to think I'm going back to the old ways with my mom.

This leads to the most recent issue which may end up being our demise. About 2 weeks ago my girlfriend's sister gave birth to a new child. My mom instead of reaching out to my girlfriend reaches out to her sister. My girlfriend is not only weirded out by this but also is hurt that she wouldn't congratulate her too. Well, I end up going over to my parents during the election, pick my mom up..we go vote and mention to her why she would reach out to her sister but not my girlfriend knowing how attached she is to her nephews, she gives some nonchalant answer, which I don't respect...I stand up for my girlfriend and I drop my mom off. After telling her this, she covers her tracks and reaches out to her to congratulate her on the birth...a week later after the birth. Marissa thought that was weird that my mom reached out...I said yeah it was not telling her I had this conversation with my mom because I want relations to get better between them. Well lying about this blows up on my face this week as she finds out the truth to why she reached out, I ended up telling her.

So now, we have the current situation. My girlfriend views me as a liar who she cannot trust anymore because I lied to her face trying to protect my mom and their relationship over mine and her's.On top of that she does not feel comfortable at all with me speaking with my mother because of what she has been through. Same stipulations apply, she wants me to report every conversation and on top of that make no outbound calls to her and only let her call me but I have free will to call out to my dad. I disagree with this as these harsh stipulations and my non-compliance got me into trouble the first time. She wants us to work on us first and until she is 100% comfortable with us, then she said she will allow me to work on fixing the relationship with my mother.

I need so much advice I don't even know what to do. I feel trapped between both of them and I don't want to lose my girlfriend over this but at the same time I'm not willing to cut ties with my mom to the degree that she wants. Any feedback would be much obliged.

Thanks you for hearing my story.
Best,
Carl