Therapy is hitting me. I talked about some stuff from my past that I've never talked to anyone about other than my husband and parents and friend who witnessed some of the assaults or the immediate aftermath. I only talked about the tip of the iceberg but it all came out so fast and I said I'm done talking and started sobbing but composed myself which my doctor congratulated me on but now it's hitting me and I'm sobbing again. It was all too much to go through for a sensitive person such as myself (or anyone for that matter). And the resulting paranoia and delusions against my safety are a direct result most likely which means I've been permanently scared by these people. Irrevocably damaged which just feels so very bad right now. I don't know how I will make it through therapy and talking about all this garbage. But I think it's vital I do and I cannot repress these emotions even if I did try which I'm not suppressing them....I'm letting myself really feel the truth and the truth isn't pretty. The therapist did say there is some complex PTSD stuff but that with my family history of mental illnesses and the types of my delusions, I may or may not have had these problems had I not experienced what I did. I behaved so strangely and did so many odd things and really changed in profound ways. The paranoia is what clung. This constant worry for my safety and the safety of my family. I want it all gone and I sure hope therapy produces more than just pain.