this sounds really difficult, and frankly not too different from my situation, except i don't have a set date in mind. i would encourage you to reach out to anyone you can, such as a friend. although that might help, i know it is incredibly difficult. i'd recommend you talk to a doctor or try to find a therapist who deals with issues you're struggling with. it can really change your life and help you see what you can do in order to continue. i hope everything gets better. you deserve it.