I did email him about this. I guess... I really don't think that my friend is going to want to talk about therapy with me at all. I imagine he will say something like 'thanks for the referral'. Or maybe 'he does seem good' or something like that and that will be it. How would I feel talking to the guy about his take on my t? I think... I would be interested to know what he thinks truth be told, but I'll admit that the guy is a little strange (I love him dearly) but his take on my t would decidedly be his (idiosyncratic) take on my t...

I figure I share him with other clients whether they are strangers to me or not. I can try and put that out of my mind... But I'm not sure what good it does me. Something weird happened last time I went to therapy... He met me at the door, but I noticed this guy in the waiting room. Late teens or early twenties, quite good looking. That is the first time I've seen someone in there who didn't look elderly / 40 year old public servanty. That was a little weird for me...

I think... That how I'm going to feel about this is going to depend a bit on how I see it - which aspects I choose to focus on. I think that I could focus in such a way that I feel really upset and distressed about this... But I think that I could alternatively focus in such a way that I'm not too upset or distressed about this. Where my friend can see my t. Where I can talk to t about some of my fears.

My fears... The usual fear that he will grow bored or sick of me and want to terminate me. The thought 'I bet some of his other clients are far more interesting and he wishes he could see them rather than me'. The fear that he doesn't want to see me twice a week and that he just says he is 'busy' so he doesn't have to see me more. The concern that he finds me quite repulsive really. Or that he is simply rather indifferent to me. Same old... Same old... I figure he probably sees other youngish females. 'Cause he has some association with DBT in the community. I though what I had on them (so to speak) would be that I was doing my PhD. I'm smart. It's ok. I'm different, he will want to see me. Because I'm smart. My friend is pretty smart too... Tenured job. So there goes my unique smartness (supposing he wasn't seeing other PhD students or academics, I guess). Maybe I'll just be some funny blend of my friend... And his DBT clients... Maybe I wont' be unique (in a good way) anymore. All this is of course under the assumption that I was unique before. But of course... I may well not have been. Or... I could be narcissistic just like everybody else thinking I'm special in a way that he doesn't give a damn about...

Rejection. The fears are never far away really. I've talked to him about them a bit.