I'm feeling disheartened. I've been preparing to seperate from my husband for the last 9 months. I just want to make this as easy on my kids as possible.it's become very obvious that I won't be ready till spring. It's taking alot longer then I had hoped. My marriage is feeling very ....hostile lately. I quit pretending that I'm ok with the way I have been treated in our marriage. My husband has been putting in an effort this past month...bUT it's just so...little. Normally I would encourage him and reciprocate, but honestly...I just don't care anymore.
I keep reminding myself how far I have come this past year. I drug myself out of a year long battle with anxiety and depression. After I started feeling better (or at least good enough) I had to start working full time, instead of part time. Get paperwork together, and bank accounts etc..
And things just keep going wrong...
Starting to feel like I will never be ready to leave. Now it's too close to Christmas...
I actually thought..maybe I should just stay for my kids. The thought made me Ill. I had the same thought 8 years ago, and I did stay. The problem with my husband is...I don't think he can change. If I stay, I am committing to the same life. And I just can't do that anymore because I'm not the same person.
I'm just wondering...is this normal? Is coming to a decision about divorce a long process? I know that ending a marriage after 20 years should be hard. But I am starting to feel like I am drawing out the process. Part of me feels badly about this, but the other part of me feels like if I could depend on my husband to help out with the kids financially (which I really cant) then I wouldn't have to be so prepared before I leave.
Any advice is helpful...I guess I'm just feeling weary