@divine1966, Thanku for taking the time once again, I understand that this is a trigger topic hence the warning. Again if you had asked me a year ago, would have stood on the other side of the fence. Having been a suvivor myself.

Your right upstanding men don't abandon their kids, but how do you know. When I met him he was single had his other two children in his care. Worked, raised two toddlers himself, was involved in his community, helped those less fortunate. We had nine amazing years, he was emotionally available and I thought that would us for all time, and then poof. He was done. And not just with me and our children but his two from a previous relationship.
Not sure how you can guard against something like that.
Anyway that's all a bit off topic, I appreciate being made to think this through, and I have definately learned something valuable. So I shall work on that.