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Originally Posted by blue_eyed_siamese
I have bipolar, and it has been a source of tension in my marriage since my diagnosis.
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I wanted to also say a couple other things here. first, your bipolar is in no way an excuse for him. Yes I am sure that any specific problems, mentally or otherwise are tension makers in a marriage but just keep in mind whether one has a mental illness or not, they bring unique challenges to every relationship and you are not alone nor worse because you happen to have a label for your issue that is related to a Dx.
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His biggest complaint is that I don't do enough of my therapy homework.
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Ok so he has a complaint, so does 99.9% of husbands and wives or girlfriends and boyfriends in the world. Try to leave out the issues in your marriage when it comes to specific things he does and please do not make provision for him because you happen to be less than perfect as a wife.
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I don't want to completely dismiss what he is saying, but part of me thinks that's an awfully convenient excuse!
Help!
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Lastly I agree that not dismissing someone's unhappiness in a marriage is a good thing but please, let's separate it from the reality. It is, simply put, an excuse, indeed, you are spot on with this. Everyone is in control of who they get involved with, cheat with or have sex with. Just because someone is unhappy with their current mate, does not either make them lose control of what they do, nor does it make them do what they do in the cases of cheating, specifically here.
Worst part here? he ADMITTED to "acting out" Acting out being what one does to retaliate, hurt someone or in some other way do something that is contrary to what they know they should. By admitting he was acting out he admits to having known the right and wrong of it and did it anyway. By saying that he was just acting out and throwing in that he was doing it because of his unhappiness at home, he is putting on his acts and trying to make YOU FEEL guilty for his actions. In other words saying "you don't make me happy enough, so I'm gonna cheat." and basically calling you out for being less than a fit wife for him. It places the pressure of his deceitful act on you or at least tries to and I hope I'm getting through here, but it's NOT ON YOU. At worst, if you were to take on the responsibility for whatever there may be for you doing better in the marriage, even then, you still would not be responsible for his cheating. Period.