My T and I laugh a lot, but I've never felt ridiculed.

I've had the experience, though, of saying something self-depreciating and funny as a defense, and being hurt when other people laughed. Like I'd make a joke about my weight or braces or whatever, secretly hoping that the other person would say "No, you're not fat!" or "your braces look fine" or whatever. Instead, they'd laugh and I'd be hurt.

It's a sucky situation because on the one hand the solution is clear--don't make a joke if you don't want the other person to laugh. Duh.

On the other hand, that's how defenses work--we use them because it's hard to say/ask for something directly. I, at least, could never say, "Hey, do my braces make me look ugly?" because the answer might be mean. So I made jokes instead and secretly hoped. It's a bad way to communicate.

Or maybe your T is just an asshole. Either way, I hope you feel better soon.